Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
