I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
