I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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