So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
