At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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