i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
