i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
