It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
