I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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