i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
