I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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