I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Enjoy the penises
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
