How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
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Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
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Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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