can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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