I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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