I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I want her autograph on my taint
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
