I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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