i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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