So drunk its hurt
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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