I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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