I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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