from now on my penis is your penis
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
