walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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