Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
