My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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