Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
