she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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