I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
