I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
