I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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