I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
