i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
