so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
