Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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