as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
