Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just want to make out with him forever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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