No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
