i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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