So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
