i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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