I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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