I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's not a walk of shame if you run
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
