Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
