That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
