This show inspires me to have sex in space
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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