you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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