Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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