Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
