HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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