i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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