After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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