Me. At least after what I've been through.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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