About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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