at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
