he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
