I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
