My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
