your parents love me but you hate me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
