i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
