it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
