the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
